When Jon and I were dating, and even before then, it was very clear to us that we were an odd couple. We are so different on paper ( see the first post of this blog "Symbiosis") and our journey wasn't void of arguments, most of which bubbled up out of our differences.
There were many times where I stopped and wondered if we were actually compatible. I think we talked about it honestly with one another when we were struggling with how different we are. So, its been no surprise to us to find ourselves in challenging moments still surrounding our differences.
Last night we got into a fight that ended up, once again, revealing how different we can be. It all started because my family has a somewhat unconventional lack of censorship in the way they raise and deal with kids. There are some ways Jon and I totally agree to protect the innocence of our kids ( which, by the way, do NOT exist. Fighting over non-existent kids. I hope we aren't the only ones). But, one way we don't always see eye to eye is in the language department. I won't get into the gory details but.. just know that with MY kids, I think its pretty harmless to say certain swear words in front of them when its in a certain context.
Jon and I were raised in two completely different ways. Jon's raise had a lot more talk about what is and is not appropriate or in good taste, while I almost never heard those kind of things. I understand the value in that and love the Calmes family to pieces, but its just really different from what I'm used to. We got to talking last night and when it came to this issue of language and a few others, it became so clear that we come from different backgrounds.
We were locked into this tense argument for a while and eventually we sort of threw our hands in the air and had to decide to table it. we eventually made up and decided to do what we have to do to come to a united front. Both of us have to allow ourselves to have our stance softened and to seek God's wisdom and guidance in our decision making process.
I think if I were describing moments like this to folks who don't know us, it'd be easy for them to think maybe we're not actually compatible. I don't know if eHarmony would EVER set us up. He's a little bit country, I'm a little bit rock and roll. I'm Dharma, he's Greg. We'll probably differ on things like this every now and then forever. We're just intrinsically kind of opposites.
It hit me today though that, its less important that all of Jon and I's beliefs and opinions align, and far more important how we arrive at beliefs in the first place.
We didn't end up coming to a settled agreement about how we'll deal with swearing in front of our kids or what we will teach them about it. However, we decided to bring it before God, good friends, parents, and scripture together. We decided on a process where we couldn't decided on a solution.
On good days, I'm grateful to be with someone so different. We learn so much from one another and balance eachother's weaknesses. However, when good days get shitty, I'm glad I have a partner who can walk with me until we come up with a united stance.
In conclusion, I think it's more important to come together in how decisions and beliefs are formed than it is to be perfectly in line with someone before you marry them. I think our compatibility shines in how we react to our seemingly opposite personalities and viewpoints- and for that, I'm deeply grateful.
Happy Sunday, Y'all
Carly Calmes the First